There was a time when I was living in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage;
I dealt with such a roller coaster of emotions.
One day I was up because he was kind, he complimented me, it was a good day.
Then the next day, I was down. Nothing was good enough. How could I be so stupid?
It was like this a lot. Sometimes we would have a whole week without a bad scene, sometimes even two.
Often the question is asked, why do you stay? Why don't you leave?
I, as do many in my situation, often find ourselves saying it's not that bad.
And it wasn't until it was.
The cycle from bad to good was quick; he would abuse,
followed by some gesture of kindness which made you think you were the ungrateful,
mean person. Abusers are very good at convincing you that it is all your fault.
It's a cycle that many women who are in abusive situations find themselves in.
They always question themselves, wondering what they did wrong and how they can do better.
It's a significant part of the reason they stay so long.
If you are in this situation, I can tell you it's not your fault.
The longer you stay in this situation, the good days get less,
and the bad days far outweighed the good. Eventually, something will have to change.
You can't survive that kind of emotional toll without getting help.
I would encourage you to seek help from a Pastor or Christian counselor.
My Pastors walked hand in hand with me as I dealt with the confusion and pain and eventually saw me reach the other side with hope and confidence in the future.
If I had not reached out for help, I would have been crushed underneath the weight of it all.
You can keep excusing the problem, or you can do something about it.
I am so glad that I chose to do something about it.
I wish I had sought help earlier in my marriage; maybe my marriage might have been saved.
God sees where you are today. There is still hope for you, your husband, and your sanity.
I pray these scriptures will encourage you to hang on to HOPE, which is Christ Jesus!
"The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him,
in those who hope in his mercy."
Take time to hear God, and he will lead you and guide you just as he did me.
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose hope is in the Lord."
Trust him! He does love you. He is not casting blame;
instead, he is beckoning you to come to him with all of your pain.